How to Control Feelings


Personal Growth for People With Strong Feelings
No one should have to feel feelings that hurt or eat at your heart, but we are all born different (some people have strong feelings some people don’t have this tendency.)  Feelings sometimes seem to appear internal and uncontrollable, but with proper principals and understanding of feelings, you will find that it is quite possible to convert harsh feelings into feelings of joy and gladness causing a major boost of self-esteem.  As a sentimental person who enjoys getting to the point, I present to you a list of personal expectations which will function as an acceptable standards for people with strong feelings…

Plan for the Worst, Hope for the Best

Life never seems fair, but this should not stop us from dealing with the negative while seeking out the positive!

7. Think Positive! 
Today, Right Now, In the Future… I believe positive thoughts must be practiced in the now and are to be planned for the future with great abundance!  Someone once told me “Thought + Emotion = Attraction” and I find this law truly valid.  Engaging yourself in positive thoughts and feeling good where you are all the time, can impact and inspire others!  Although it is never okay to fake this attitude, you must train yourself to actually be happy so you can make the whole world appear sunny.

6. *Love Yourself as Much as Others 
We all heard of Mark 12:31- “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”  Although this is the second greatest commandment that Jesus gave the disciples, it is not the only thing that holds value.  How about “Love yourself as you love your neighbor?”  This itself is not a commandment, but this principle can affect how you love your neighbor…Check out this parable:

“how can you say to your brother, Brother, let me pull out the speck that is in your eye, when you yourself behold not the beam that is in your own eye? you hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of your own eye, and then shall you see clearly to pull out the speck that is in your brother’s eye. -Luke 6:42”  

If you are offering compliments and encouraging others and yet you lack this in yourself, this is like borrowing a bunch of money from a credit card!  Pretty soon, it tops out and bad things happen.  So if you’re providing love and acceptance to others… you should first be able to love and accept yourself just as much or more than the person you are offering these things to!

5. We should not become a helpless victim of our own mind 
Sometimes we underestimate the control we have of our mind (and sometimes we over-estimate it’s power.)  We need to understand how the mind works, it’s one of the most amazing things in our body and it’s in our own control!  Learn the functions of the conscious v.s. the subconscious mind and how much control we have over each department! (Check out the “How Powerful are You Really?” posting to learn more about how we can have more control over our mind.)  This is a lesson in its self, if you want to learn about coping with unwanted thoughts I would also recommend admitting yourself to this free and immediate program designed for the purpose of understanding and controlling types of thoughts that might drain your vitality.  Please visit MoodGym here: http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

Weakness4. Accept Yourself and all Your Imperfections
It is important to know that nobody is perfect. If someone thinks they’re perfect and even if perhaps they are physically perfect, it is guaranteed that even a perfect being is going to cause hatred, jealousy, and disbelief in your encounters.  Jesus is an example of a perfect man and look what people did to him!  The idea isn’t to surrender to your weaknesses, but understand them and do your best to apply consistent effort in improving the weaknesses and working with them rather than giving up.  

3. Define Your Goals and Keep Yourself Busy
If you are trying to improve anything or achieve anything in life, it requires a goal.  A goal is “a result of directed effort.”  Everything we do requires a clearly defined goal…a directed effort.  Remember when you were in school?  or under the care of a boss who gave directions?  That is the type of mental approach that makes results so easily attainable.  Just remember: First you need a goal or a plan, then you can put the required effort into the process to finish it up, whether it be easy or difficult, at least you know will know what has to be done to see your results. 

2. Who Do You Spend Most of Your Time With?
Ask yourself this question and beware of the fact because this holds a great significance on your own expectations.

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn

Where you get your inspirations, attitudes, and ideas can emerge from the people you spend most time with, and this includes yourself!  So be careful who you choose.  This is also along the lines of “How are you spending your time?”  Every minute of the day should be valued, whether this be in thought, or in action.  This does not mean that every moment should be booked up with duties, but it means that there is simply no time in the day for worrying and being pessimistic.  Be aware of the time you are wasting on “I wish things were different” or worrying about the future.  Set some goals, take some action, and manage your time by the minute to make it suit your needs for great results!

1. Be Fair!
The proposition for “being fair” to strong feelers means being fair to yourself and help others achieve their fairness.  Instead of having to take in a bunch of hard feelings, it is more important to act as a mediator and focus more on fairness and equality to everyone’s needs and desires.

Acting as a mediator is a very powerful way to making good things happen out of bad things.  Instead of surrendering with guilt or trying to escape the tension involved with arguments and disagreements, it is better to picture the facts behind why the argument began and determine whether you can balance out the feelings involved.  It is hardly ever possible to give both sides full gratitude, that would be surrendering to flattery and ignorance.  The best solution is to have the attitude of a researcher.  Offer your thought on the issue, don’t take sides because according to the scientific spirit, “the results are never to be considered final” so no matter how obvious one side seems, it is impossible to believe it 100%.  (So if you do happen to “fail” at settling conflict, there is no proof that you did or did not fail because the other person’s thoughts are what made the conflict in the start and you can’t read people’s minds so it is not legit to take blame you might not even deserve.  Another great tactic for overcoming conflict is to prevent them from occurring from the start.  A conflict could arise from a single statement!  Someone could say something negative about another person and this could arise in conflict, focusing on the facts and affirming statements like “I’m sure you don’t mean that” or “he’s probably just having a crabby day” are great ways to settle people’s emotions on the spot.  This skill will take A LOT of practice, but when you master it (which you will with practice) you will be able to settle conflicts without getting afflicted by feeling.

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